On losing your keys (July 8th 2015)

I don’t like the person you’ve become, yet I didn’t like who you were, either, and that’s because you never showed me who you really were. All I know of you is what I interpreted, what I read, what I hoped. I can describe how it feels but I can’t explain it. I can’t explain why your existence, no matter where you are on this planet, still affects me. It suffocates me and drains me. Every time you are mentioned, I tell myself that I am better off not knowing you, not having you in my life. But, still, I am somehow suspended between life and happiness. It’s as if I am being drowned in tar. I still don’t know how to fight it, how to overcome it. So, I just sit in my room at night, listening to what the walls have to say.